Tuesday, March 25, 2008
He who can do this has the whole world with him.
I often went fishing during the summer. Personally I am very fond of strawberries and cream, but i have found that for some strange reason, fish prefer worms. So when I went fishing, I didn't think about what i wanted. I thought about what they wanted. I didn't bait the hook with strawberries and cream. Rather, I dangled a worm in front of the fish and said: "Wouldn't you like to have that?"
Why not use the same common sense when fishing for people?
Why talk about what we want? That is childish. Absurd. Of course, you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are like you; we are interested in what we want.
So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
Remember that tomorrow when you are trying to get somebody to do something. If, for example, you don't want your children to smoke, don't preach at them, and don't talk about what you want; but show them that cigarettes may keep them from makng the basketball team or winning the hundred-yard dash.
Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: "How can I make this person want to do it?"
That question will stop us from rushing into a situation heedlessly, with a futile chatter about our desires.
Here is one of the best bits of advice ever given about the fine art of human relationships. "If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own."
That is so good, I want to repeat it: "If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own."
That is so simple, so obvious, that anyone ought to see the truth of it at a glance; yet 90% of the people on this earth ignore it 90% of the time.
Remember: "First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way."
--> Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People
Why not use the same common sense when fishing for people?
Why talk about what we want? That is childish. Absurd. Of course, you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are like you; we are interested in what we want.
So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
Remember that tomorrow when you are trying to get somebody to do something. If, for example, you don't want your children to smoke, don't preach at them, and don't talk about what you want; but show them that cigarettes may keep them from makng the basketball team or winning the hundred-yard dash.
Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: "How can I make this person want to do it?"
That question will stop us from rushing into a situation heedlessly, with a futile chatter about our desires.
Here is one of the best bits of advice ever given about the fine art of human relationships. "If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own."
That is so good, I want to repeat it: "If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own."
That is so simple, so obvious, that anyone ought to see the truth of it at a glance; yet 90% of the people on this earth ignore it 90% of the time.
Remember: "First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way."
--> Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People
i know that i have loved you ... at 1:55 AM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Give honest, sincere appreciation.
What do you want? Not many things, but the few things that you do wish, you crave with an insistence that will not be denied. Some of the things most people want include:
1. Health and the preservation of life.
2. Food.
3. Sleep.
4. Money and the things money will buy.
5. Life in the hereafter.
6. Sexual gratification.
7. The well-being of our children.
8. A feeling of importance.
Almost all these wants are usually gratified - all except one. But there is one longing - almost as deep, almost as imperious, as the desire for food or sleep - which is seldom gratified. It is what Freud calls " the desire to be great" and what Dewey calls the "desire to be important".
Lincoln once began a letter saying: "Everybody likes a compliment." William James said: "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." He didn't speak, mind you, of the "wish" or "desire" or "longing" to be appreciated. He said the "craving" to be appreciated.
Here is a gnawing and unflatering human hunger, and the rare individual who honestly satisfies this heart hunger will hold people in the palm of his or her hand.
This desire for a feeling of importance is one of the chief distinguishing difference between mankind and the animals. To illustrate: When I was a farm boy, my father bred hogs and cattle. We used to exhibit our hogs and cattle at the country fairs throughout the middlewest. We won first prizes by the score. My father pinned his blue ribbon on a sheet of white muslin. He would hold one end while i hold the other while he exhibit the blue ribbons.
The hogs didn't care about the ribbons they had won. But Father did. These prizes give him a feeling of importance.
If our ancestors hadn't had this flaming urge for a feeling of importance, civilization would have been impossible. Without it, we should have been just about like animals.
This desire makes you want to wear the latest styles, drive the latest cars, and talk about your brilliant achievements.
I shall pass this way but once; and good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human beings, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.
Let's memorise this phrase. Let's try to figure out the other person's good points. Then forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise," and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime - repeat them years after you have forgotten them.
1. Health and the preservation of life.
2. Food.
3. Sleep.
4. Money and the things money will buy.
5. Life in the hereafter.
6. Sexual gratification.
7. The well-being of our children.
8. A feeling of importance.
Almost all these wants are usually gratified - all except one. But there is one longing - almost as deep, almost as imperious, as the desire for food or sleep - which is seldom gratified. It is what Freud calls " the desire to be great" and what Dewey calls the "desire to be important".
Lincoln once began a letter saying: "Everybody likes a compliment." William James said: "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." He didn't speak, mind you, of the "wish" or "desire" or "longing" to be appreciated. He said the "craving" to be appreciated.
Here is a gnawing and unflatering human hunger, and the rare individual who honestly satisfies this heart hunger will hold people in the palm of his or her hand.
This desire for a feeling of importance is one of the chief distinguishing difference between mankind and the animals. To illustrate: When I was a farm boy, my father bred hogs and cattle. We used to exhibit our hogs and cattle at the country fairs throughout the middlewest. We won first prizes by the score. My father pinned his blue ribbon on a sheet of white muslin. He would hold one end while i hold the other while he exhibit the blue ribbons.
The hogs didn't care about the ribbons they had won. But Father did. These prizes give him a feeling of importance.
If our ancestors hadn't had this flaming urge for a feeling of importance, civilization would have been impossible. Without it, we should have been just about like animals.
This desire makes you want to wear the latest styles, drive the latest cars, and talk about your brilliant achievements.
I shall pass this way but once; and good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human beings, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.
Let's memorise this phrase. Let's try to figure out the other person's good points. Then forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise," and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime - repeat them years after you have forgotten them.
i know that i have loved you ... at 12:20 AM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Friday, March 14, 2008
To know all is to forgive all
Father Forgets
W. Livingston Larned
Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your bedroom alone. Just a few minutes alone, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me. Guiltily i came into your bedside.
There are things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.
As breakfast i found fault too. You spilled things. You gluped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, "Goodbye Daddy!" and i frowned, and said in reply, "Hold your shoulders back!"
Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As i came up my road I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your stockings. I humiliated you before your boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Stockings are expensive - and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! Imagine that, son, from a father!
Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption , you hasitated at the door. " What is it you want?" I snapped.
You said nothing, But ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with and affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither. And the you were gone, pattering up the stairs.
Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding - this was my reward to you for being a boy. It was not that i did not love you; it was that i expect too much of a youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.
And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impluse to rush in and kiss me good night. Nothing else matters tonight, son. I have come to your bedside in the darkness, and i have knelt there, ashamed!
It is a feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things if I told you during your waking hours. But tomorrow i will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh. I will bite my tongue when impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: " He is nothing but a boy - a little boy!"
I am afraid I have visualized you as a man. Yet as i see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are still a baby. Yesterday you were in your mother's arm, your head on her shoulder. I have asked too much, too much.
Instead of comdemning people, let's try to understand them. Let's try to figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. "To know all is to forgive all."
As Dr. Johnson said: "God himself, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days."
Why should you and I?
W. Livingston Larned
Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your bedroom alone. Just a few minutes alone, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me. Guiltily i came into your bedside.
There are things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.
As breakfast i found fault too. You spilled things. You gluped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, "Goodbye Daddy!" and i frowned, and said in reply, "Hold your shoulders back!"
Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As i came up my road I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your stockings. I humiliated you before your boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Stockings are expensive - and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! Imagine that, son, from a father!
Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption , you hasitated at the door. " What is it you want?" I snapped.
You said nothing, But ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with and affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither. And the you were gone, pattering up the stairs.
Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding - this was my reward to you for being a boy. It was not that i did not love you; it was that i expect too much of a youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.
And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impluse to rush in and kiss me good night. Nothing else matters tonight, son. I have come to your bedside in the darkness, and i have knelt there, ashamed!
It is a feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things if I told you during your waking hours. But tomorrow i will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh. I will bite my tongue when impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: " He is nothing but a boy - a little boy!"
I am afraid I have visualized you as a man. Yet as i see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are still a baby. Yesterday you were in your mother's arm, your head on her shoulder. I have asked too much, too much.
Instead of comdemning people, let's try to understand them. Let's try to figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. "To know all is to forgive all."
As Dr. Johnson said: "God himself, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days."
Why should you and I?
i know that i have loved you ... at 10:26 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Do This And You'll Be Welcome Anywhere
Why read this post to find out how to win friends? Why not study the technique of the greatest winner of friends the world has ever known? Who is he? You may meet him tomorrow coming down the street. When you get within ten feet of him, he will begin to wag his tail. If you stop and pat him, he will almost jump out of his skin to show you how much he likes you. And you know that behind this show of affection on his part, there are no ulterior motives: he doesn't want to sell you any real estate, and he doesn't want to marry you.
Did you ever stop to thik that a dog is the only animal that doesn't have to work for a living? a hen have to lay eggs, a cow has to give milk, and a canary has to sing. But a dog makes his living by giving you nothing but love.
Dogs never read a book on psychology, they didn't need to. They know by some divine instinct that you can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people that you can in two years trying to get others interested in you. Let me repeat that. You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people that you can in two years trying to get others interested in you.
Yet I know and you know people who blunder through life trying to wigwag other people into becoming interested in them.
Of course, it doesn't work. People are not interested in you. They are not interested in me. They are interested in themselves - morning, noon and after dinner.
The New York Telephone Company made a detailed study of telephone conversations to find out which word is the most frequently used. You have guessed it; it is the personal pronoun "I" "I" "I". It was used 3900 times in 500 telephone conversations. "I" "I" "I""I".
When you see a group photograph that you are in, whose picture do you look at first?
If we merely try to impress people and get people interested in us, we will never have many true, sincere friends. Friends, real friends, are not made that way.
It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.
--> Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People.
Did you ever stop to thik that a dog is the only animal that doesn't have to work for a living? a hen have to lay eggs, a cow has to give milk, and a canary has to sing. But a dog makes his living by giving you nothing but love.
Dogs never read a book on psychology, they didn't need to. They know by some divine instinct that you can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people that you can in two years trying to get others interested in you. Let me repeat that. You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people that you can in two years trying to get others interested in you.
Yet I know and you know people who blunder through life trying to wigwag other people into becoming interested in them.
Of course, it doesn't work. People are not interested in you. They are not interested in me. They are interested in themselves - morning, noon and after dinner.
The New York Telephone Company made a detailed study of telephone conversations to find out which word is the most frequently used. You have guessed it; it is the personal pronoun "I" "I" "I". It was used 3900 times in 500 telephone conversations. "I" "I" "I""I".
When you see a group photograph that you are in, whose picture do you look at first?
If we merely try to impress people and get people interested in us, we will never have many true, sincere friends. Friends, real friends, are not made that way.
It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.
--> Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People.
Labels: ork
i know that i have loved you ... at 11:38 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
How To Win Friends And Influence People?
Every once awhile, i'll be posting paragrahs of things i feel [duh] and wise words from the books i've read. do come back every once awhile to know more. basically, it will be on Character building, Difference between opposite sex, Man-Woman Relationship and financial knowledge. i welcome all of u to discuss with me any of the discussed topics as i do know that im not always right. well, sneak preview!
HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE?
IN A NUTSHELL
Fundamental Techniques In Handling People
-Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
-Give honest and sincere appreciation.
-Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Six Ways To Make People Like You
-Become genuinely interested in the other people
-Smile
-Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
-Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
-Talk in terms of the other person's interest
-Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
-The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
-Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
-If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
-Begin in a friendly way.
-Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
-Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
-Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
-Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
-Be sympathetic with the other person's idea and desires.
-Appeal to the nobler motives
-Dramatize your ideas
-Throw down a challenge.
--> How To Win Friends And Influence People, Dale Carnegie
HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE?
IN A NUTSHELL
Fundamental Techniques In Handling People
-Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
-Give honest and sincere appreciation.
-Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Six Ways To Make People Like You
-Become genuinely interested in the other people
-Smile
-Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
-Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
-Talk in terms of the other person's interest
-Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
-The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
-Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
-If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
-Begin in a friendly way.
-Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
-Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
-Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
-Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
-Be sympathetic with the other person's idea and desires.
-Appeal to the nobler motives
-Dramatize your ideas
-Throw down a challenge.
--> How To Win Friends And Influence People, Dale Carnegie
i know that i have loved you ... at 9:59 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
INTRODUCTION
hello people. anyway, i created a blog as u can see. pretty obvious. basically, i will be using this blog to note down some notes that i wan to note down. hand to understand? nvm, i simplfy it for u in e following sentence.
BLOODY HELL THIS IS MY BLOG AND I WAN TYPE WAD DEN I TYPE WAD!! RAWR!!
lol. understand le ma? oh btw, im feeling pretty user-friendly, so i've put in some games n the left corner. and my other blog, recipe, which is still under construction. [: since u're here, why not tag abit? [:
BLOODY HELL THIS IS MY BLOG AND I WAN TYPE WAD DEN I TYPE WAD!! RAWR!!
lol. understand le ma? oh btw, im feeling pretty user-friendly, so i've put in some games n the left corner. and my other blog, recipe, which is still under construction. [: since u're here, why not tag abit? [:
i know that i have loved you ... at 5:44 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities